I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
