quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
