In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
