Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
