We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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