does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
