It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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