why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
