I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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