girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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