Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
