They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
