Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
