I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
