Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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