I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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