The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
