So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
