Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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