He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
