i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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