My balls are so social today.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I will pee on everything he values.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
