Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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