I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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