i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
