I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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