1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That accounts for only three of the penises
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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