Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
