ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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