I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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