He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
