yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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