I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
