I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
