Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
