I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The power of my boobs compel you
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
