I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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