I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
