Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
