Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
