This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
