I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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