i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
