Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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