I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
