I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
