I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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