I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
