i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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