This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
